I became a Christian when I was 16. I remember the day well. I was attending a baptismal service of one of my friends. He had to explain why he was being baptised and quoted a verse from the bible, which said “trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not unto your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will direct your paths”. This verse struck home to me, and drove me to my knees. I’ll tell you why.
I was born to parents who attended church. In those days that was the socially acceptable thing to do. We went to a small country Methodist church. Mum played the organ, Dad was treasurer. They were good, kind, people. Yet in my young days, I only went because I was taken. The words were only words and meant nothing to me. I know now that just because I lived in a Christian environment, it did not mean I was a Christian.
I stopped going in my early teens because my Dad stopped going. He objected to the Methodist Church joining up with the Anglican Church. Because Dad stopped, then so did I.
A few years after, my sister attended a youth club run by the Evangelical church in my local village. She invited me along to join others on a long weekend in Snowdonia. I loved the Welsh mountains and agreed to come. That introduced me for the first time to a group of young people who were true Christians. They exuded joy. They loved to pray together, and read the Bible. It was new to me and a bit foreign. And it emphasised to me my own lack of joy. Being in the mountains also made me feel small. It was the start of a long turn around.
I started to attend their church and made new friends. By now my heart was stirred. What did they have that I didn’t, I wondered. I now know that the clear answer was they had faith in Christ; they knew their sins forgiven; they had the Spirit of God dwelling within. I didn’t. I tried. I tried to live a good life, by curbing my swearing but not successfully, and trying to love and respect others, but whilst it was easy with my friends, for other people I just couldn’t. My heart was still bitter and proud, I guess.
The struggle continued, and all I learned was that I couldn’t change my ways, and all my trying just caused me to realise the poor state of my heart. I needed someone to help me.
Then my friend was baptised. It was a special and joyful meeting. As he spoke and quoted that verse, I finally understood that I should ‘trust in the Lord with all my heart and lean not to my own understanding’. That day I learned that Jesus died on the cross to pay the penalty for my sin and shortcoming. And in that service I bowed my heart and gave up struggling, and asked the Lord Jesus to forgive my waywardness and rebelliousness. And, praise the Lord, so he did!